“I stay for the kids.”
“It’s okay, he’s never violent to our children.”
“Don’t worry, he never hurts the kids.”
We’ve all said it, we may have even meant it. It sounds good, but it is just another lie in the arsenal of lies told by abusers and repeated by their victims.
“He just gets mad at me, he’s never violent with our kids“
Let’s really look at this lie. According to the Center for Disease control; when children live in homes where domestic violence occurs, that child is more than 15 times more likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse. This is not referring to future abuse from a different abuser. Listen to me, Your child has a 60% chance of being abused by your abuser. The fact is that your abuser is not violent to your children; yet. You know the fear you live with everyday, now multiply that exponentially with how little your children are. They are little prisoners of war, and it’s not even their war.
“He isn’t hurting our children.”
Here are the facts, according to CDC. Nine out of ten, 90%, of children living with domestic violence are eye witnesses at least one time. Around five percent of children witness a parent being severely assaulted, repeatedly. I know those are just numbers, but they are disturbing numbers.
Let’s look at how just seeing this violence harms them. Children who grow up witnessing domestic violence experience psychosocial maladaptation. When your child witnesses your abuse, his/her brain and central nervous system literally changes. These effects include PTSD, antisocial behaviour, depression, anxiety, and separation anxiety. Children will reenact the violence with peers, have recurring nightmares, and become easily agitated. In case that is not enough, they are, also, more likely to have learning disabilities, ADHD, attachment disorder, lower than average intelligence, and are at an increased risk to engage in self-harm.
The truth is this. Your abuse is their abuse. Saying you stay for the kids isn’t just unacceptable. It is a dangerous and negligent lie. They didn’t choose that life, and they certainly deserve better. Their little brains are being damaged in a very real and permanent way. Hormone responses, brain growth, and cognitive function are all drastically harmed. Scars are forming that will last a lifetime.
Staying for the kids is akin to dragging them through an active battlefield. Leave for the kids.
If you need help leaving your abuser, please reach out to your nearest Child Protective Agency. They are trained to help, they are waiting to help, they believe you, and they will help you find your way.
Thehotline.org
Victorious&Free 